Back Many students find meeting new people and making friends amongst the most exciting but also most difficult aspects of starting university. This activity should help you to get started.
Background
Making friends can be tricky for anyone and at any time, but the first semester at university is a big period of change and adaptation and the social and routine-based aspects of autism can make things a little bit harder. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but as with so many things, it can just take a bit more work for autistic people and it’s easy to avoid getting on with it. Knowing how to meet new people is a great way to start.
How could this affect me?
While students in the Autism&Uni survey told us that talking to friends really helped them when they were stressed, a lot of people also found that socialising was one of their biggest worries at uni and their parents and teachers agreed. It’s never going to be easy – there’s no step-by-step foolproof guide to making people like you – but we’ve got some practical tips to share.
It can be tempting to avoid doing anything outside the course, and that’s the route some autistic students take, but getting on with people (even if they aren’t your best friends) and taking part in activities outside your degree will help make university into a positive experience. There are also benefits for your grades – students who discuss their modules with others tend to get better marks. Not because they’re copying each other! But two (or more) heads are better than one at solving problems and finding new ways of understanding topics.
What to do next?
Try talk to someone new
Practical tips
We asked people how they made friends at university.
- “I joined clubs”
- “Through accommodation, then friends of friends”
- “Work, friends of friends (few people from school went to same uni), labs”
- “Most successfully, eventually finding group of ‘like-minded people’ in term 1.
- “Went to Freshers Week and joined rugby gang – mates for life!”
- “Being brave and talking to people in the shop queues. How I met my closest friend ”
- “Lucked out with a few nice people in residence halls who introduced me to other nice people”
You can see from that list that a lot of people made friends through joining groups related to their interests and several through their living accommodation.
Join groups, societies and clubs, either at university or in the area where you live.
Start with a visit to the Student’s Union, there are opportunities to relax and game, a chance to meet other students settling in.
Think about attending the Bi Monthly Lunch Club or the Peer2Peer group.
Introduce the people you meet to each other, and they will do the same with their new friends.
“Friends of friends” you may not start with many friends, but they all know people too.
Be brave, and be real.
“Being brave” is a good point – you need to start conversations as well as wait for it to happen to you, and it helps if you start to feel comfortable about being yourself around others – situations like queues really are a good place to start talking to new people. Lots of new students have social anxiety.
Feel confident and be yourself. The thought of approaching someone new to talk to can feel scary but once you find something in common you will feel a lot better. Approach the person and introduce yourself “Hi, my name is …..”
Text or phone a friend to set a date, if you do not get an answer the first time, they might be busy but don’t worry. Leave a message and wait a few days to see if they get back to you. If they don’t get back, then leave it and see if they will get in touch.
One of the methods to try involves a bag of sweets that you could share with other students in your year.
Students don’t have much money and love a freebie. Even having spare pens and paper with you can make you very popular in lectures.
Form or join a study group
Even if you wouldn’t hang out with people on your course at home, it can be really useful to discuss coursework with them, as you can all check your understanding and gain new perspectives on your work. Try speaking to the people around you at the end of a lecture or in the ASC centre.
Questions to think about
- Explore the clubs and societies page on SETU.
- If you live away from home, make a point of engaging with flat mates.
- What treats could you share to start a conversation with your classmates or people in your accommodation?
- Join the Bi Monthly Lunch club.
- Attend the ASC centre to meet other registered students. You might even meet other students on your course there!
- Think about linking in with Peer2Peer on campus.